is how one reacts when another has asked TOO MUCH of them in childhood when they were too small and dependent to refuse unreasonable demands placed on their body and psyche. As an infant or child, how would you enjoy being responsible for “MAKING” a miserable unhappy adult, feel valuable or happy? Stubbornness
Being the one BLAMED for everything wrong in the adult’s life.
Being the one forced to be the adult’s friend and confidant?
Being the adult’s emotional and sexual support or interest?
The neediness and demands of one’s caregiver is overwhelming and the child fears, “the bottomless pit of NEEDINESS” will consume them. Never mind the FACT that you CAN’T make another happy.
Stubbornness or dissociation is the main defense mechanism available to a small dependent one asked to do things it is NOT possible to do for another. Their caregiver needed / expected / demanded the child to comfort, support and be the loyal friend, to the unhappy adult. Instead of the child, being cared for and honored, as an independent developing individual, the child was put in a position of needing to “prop up and support” the dysfunctional adult(s) in order to stay alive.
To protect “the self” the child learned to hide their vulnerabilities, became secretive and “withheld” (was truly unable to give) what the unreasonable adult, wanted. Rigid stubbornness and withholding is a coping mechanism, or “power play” of survival in an abusive relationship. The “adult child” considers all relationships as a game of survival and outsmarting the needy predator. Some call the game of codependency “loving each other.” The child gets stuck in a thought pattern or cycle, they are not consciously aware of and mistakenly believes all close relationships function the same way. This tradition gets handed down to the next generation.
ONLY, when you are conscious of all the roles you play in that cycle, will you have the CHOICE to change your thinking. Own the truth that the only one that can make you happy is you. You are a sovereign essence, stream of consciousness and your own creator. This is why, in the quantum field there is the “law of allowing” and why the dark bandwidth of thought is quarantined!