Fear that another person’s neediness will consume them, makes a person stubborn and unable to change or adapt.
In childhood their caretaker needed / expected / demanded the child to comfort, support and be THEIR loyal friend, to the adult emotionally. Instead of the child, being cared for and honored, as an independent developing individual, the child was put in a position of needing to emotionally “prop up and support” the adult(s) in order to survive.
To protect “the self” in childhood, the child learned to hide their vulnerabilities, was secretive and withheld what the needy adult, wanted now and again by being stubborn. Rigid stubbornness and withholding is a coping mechanism, or “power play” of survival in an abusive relationship. The “adult child” considers all relationships as a game of survival and outsmarting the needy predator. Some call this game of codependency “loving each other.” The child gets stuck in a thought pattern or cycle they are not consciously aware of and mistakenly believes all close relationships function the same way. They will unconsciously repeat this pattern in all their relationships until they become conscious of the start, middle and end of the game cycle they have entrained into and played their part.
ONLY, when you are conscious of, the role, you play in the cycle. What you think and do, are you in a position to DECIDE if you want to get better at the game or you want to end it.
The adult caretaker or parent kept the child tethered and dependent on the relationship for survival and the emotional drama of controlling or outsmarting each other. The fear is, that if they change or try different or new ways to function and react, they might loose the relationship, themself, and be taken advantage of and be totally consumed. The game of control and force is their reality they created together and choose to maintain. Until one of them stops playing or breaks their entrainment.
The child as an adult will continue to believe they need to quash their needs to care for “needy others” they attract and entrain with. As adults, they remain ridged, stubborn and hard to get along with. Their fear of being swallowed up by another person’s NEEDINESS makes them withhold themself. Their childhood coping mechanism, their “power play” is carried into their adult relationships. They fear intimacy, because they think that is a bottomless pit of neediness that will consume them. They have compromised so much of their thought process, emotion and energy that they feel out of control and fragmented when they are not distracted. The FEAR of other people’s neediness, trumps THEIR LOGICAL or RATIONAL thought.
When someone offers them equality and compassion their perception is that they are being tricked and set up. Their defense against being tricked AGAIN is to “get stubborn.” They are unable to perceive present time reality and other truths. They keep dragging their “pain body” from childhood into the now moment. As children they allowed the life and light to be sucked out of them to feed another. They are sure all relationships will victimize them.
Entraining with Dark Ones feeds the illusion that you are a victim.
Because you experienced being victimized doesn’t mean you need to keep victimizing YOURSELF with that thought pattern of fear. In fact, remind yourself that you are a sovereign essence, stream of consciousness and your own creator. Your biology is only a vehicle for your soul.
The cosmic truth of PERPETUAL TRANSMUTATION of energy says that all sentient beings have the power to CHANGE their frequency or state of consciousness continuously.
You can DECIDE to be a creator instead of victimized.
You can DECIDE to get to know yourself better by getting BACK in touch with what you feel and sense. Commune and get guidance and support from your higher stream of consciousness. Your soul can help you start feeling again. You can choose to stop crippling a “significant other” to keep them tethered and dependent on their relationship with you. Allow both of you to stop sacrificing, servicing, compromising just to get along with each other. You claiming compassion for you will allow others to do the same.
The IMMUTABLE TRUTH of ALLOWING, means you stop trying to get others to adopt your reality, your beliefs, or carry your pain and suffering. Allowing grants EACH individual the right to have their own reality to BE and DO whatever they choose as long as they AVOID VIOLATING the rights of others or destroying any part of the collective environment.
Attachment to any, person, entity, outcome or energy is you redirecting the quanta energy flow, FOR YOUR personal agenda, gain and reality. Any energy flow you redirect is NOT ALLOWING another energy flow.
NEED is different from neediness. A compassionate person fulfills his or her own needs. The insecure, codependent person is needy.