is an exchange, a quid pro quo feedback loop. The caretaker gathers their self worth from how well they maintain the one(s) they are caring for. Focus is on one part or aspect of the whole person. The caretaker has no desire or need to know or invest in the whole person. The caretaker only feels safe interacting with one or a few parts of the whole person and will assume the other parts of the person FEEL’S or experiences life, like they do. Which most likely is not the truth.
The one being cared for, to avoid conflict, needs to go along with the caretaker’s perceptions of reality that they might not be in agreement with. Not meeting your own needs when you are able to do that is a slippery slop. The caretaker will generally go through periods of feeling they are being taken advantage of and that is when their caretaking feels like fear and anger. It was not a gift freely given it was quid pro quo.
Compassion or unconditional love carries no agendas, neediness or manipulation and you FEEL free, safe, trusting and empowered.